Zoo Adventures - Argentina Edition 03/05/2012
I am back! After a lot of traveling followed by nonstop work after I got off the plane I feel like my brain functionality is that of a five-year-old. Not a smart one. Like the kid who eats paste or tubes of chapstick in kindergarten glass. I will be regaling you with tidbits from the trip, but first I want to mention the Buenos Aires zoo. I know you probably think that I have an unnatural obsession with zoos these days (and I do), but the one in Buenos Aires rules.
This picture here is of a mara, a crazy rabbit-deer hybrid thing a few feet long. They are everywhere in the zoo, lounging on any grassy spot available and I really wanted to grab one and take it home. Also plentiful were the nutria that swim around in the many koi ponds and will come out to eat food from your hand. They sell buckets of animal food at every corner and apparently all of the zoo animals eat the same things (except the sea lions but they sell buckets of small fish to throw to them). The only animals you are not allowed to feed are the big cats and the bears (I suspect the bears could easily get across the shallow moat and maul a person).
The Buenos Aires zoo has been around since about 1875 and has a lot of architecturally beautiful buildings. In the 1800's they didn't put the crazy large barriers and moats around all of the animals that one sees today, so you can get really close to all of them. Animal of the day was a pygmy hippopotamus that Brian named Morcilla (because he did look sort of like a blood sausage). He was only about 6 feet from us and was eating all of the food people were throwing on the ground until a group of people starting throw food directly at him. They hit his sides and head a few times and the hippo stopped and turned toward the crowd. He stared for a few moments and then just opened his mouth really wide so that people could throw food directly into his mouth. It was awesome. I died laughing for a few minutes and even when we passed by a little later he was still standing there with his mouth open.
Also of note was a masturbating monkey and in the amazon aquarium section a fish named after me. All of the tanks in that sections had labels above them with the Latin names for all of the fish that resided in them. At the very end of the row, there was just a placard that said 'Lisa'. Nothing else, just Lisa and a picture of a puffer fish. I will send it to you.
I have to go back to work now but will continue with more later. I miss you!!
I want to see more subway stalker pictures!
Subway Stalker 02/15/2012
So here are a few images I've taken of people on the subway, a little photo project of mine. None of the subjects know that I'm taking their picture. Creepy? Perhaps. There is just something very beautiful about these stolen moments of public solitude when people are quiet and alone, on their way to someplace else and their thoughts and attention are far away or maybe deep within. I adore something about all of the subjects I photograph. More to come. Enjoy
An extra sleeve for dreams and ideas 02/13/2012
Bahahaha! You have left me alone with our blog! Right now, I imagine you are probably somewhere in Santiago, bartering for chewing gum and Tempranillo with packs of feral children, gnawing on fine steaks and... flamenco-ing your face off? I hope you are wearing sensible footwear.
Here's a welcome home present for you from me. Ok, it's from Zooey Deschanel's SNL episode from last Saturday but I swear it's actually really good.
Photo Time 02/10/2012
Are you excited about your trip? When do you leave? You best take a buttload of photos! I wanna see what Argentina looks like!
I loved Kevin the Giant Cat. He is beautiful. I wish my cats were bigger. The biggest cat I ever saw was in France when I was living with my Aunt Nath. It belonged to some friends of hers we went to go visit in the French equivalent of the Blue Mountains. This thing was as big as a beagle, I swear. I'm pretty sure I wrote you about it. I'll bet it's still alive, and lives for one hundred years. Maybe we should start calling giant cats "French Sea Turtles".
Moving on, here are some things that have been going on this week:
1) it has become clear to me that anyone named "Nina" is totally awesome
2) I found a pigeon wing on the street. If I had more time, I would have picked it up and then wandered around asking people "have you seen my pigeon?"
3) sat next to thug looking dude on the train who solved his rubics cube about 5 times during the few minutes I was sitting next to him. His best time is 20 seconds, though the world record is 7 seconds. I wish I had taken a video of him. It was pretty awesome.
4) Shot some video for a jewelry company website. The hosts were stylists or stylish quasi-celebs-- Deborah Norville, Phillip Block and this chick Kelley Dooley who has a line of sassy sportswear (rhinestones and some bedazzling are involved) called BodyRock. They were all super nice people-- Deborah Norville is one of the most genuine and kind people out there-- I adore her! And Kelley even gave me one of her sportsbras which is actually the best I've ever worn. I may have to give up my slobby t-shirt habit.
5) Oh, and in other news, I am having a major wedding planning crisis, but I'll save that for another time.
I am trying to take better pictures, but anyway, here are a few snaps.
I miss you and I hope you have safe travels lady! Big hugs and kisses!
Free Money 02/02/2012
This past weekend, we went to Proteus Gowanus, a magical and strange gallery that is very un-gallery like. It's named for the Gowanus Canal which is a creepy industrial part of Brooklyn. The creepy abandon industrial buildings have (naturally) attracted artists and it is in these buildings where they work and make strange things. When our friend Richard Reiben, Brooklyn native, gave us his famous tour of Brooklyn, his told us that the mob used to dump bodies in the Gowanus Canal. Today, there are mostly plastic bags, but no dead Italians.
Back to Proteus Gowanus. It's the sort of place that you may have visited in your dreams where there are strange and curious things lying about in jars like pickled fish and sticks and cotton balls, odd books new and old, and placed on shelves like a bronzed cowboy hat of someone's father who was a dancer accompanied by a story about him, pictures of jellyfish, a jar full of bread ties and a story about why this one person has been collecting them... a box with two holes and headphones on a peg. When you look through you see underneath the Manhattan bridge and you can listen to cars driving over the bridge and the ambient sounds recorded from under the bridge. I will take you to Proteus Gowanus if and when you come to visit because you will like it.
We followed a strange path to the Museum of Matches, a small room filled with Cold War memorabilia and match artwork, a Russian American artist's exploration of the Cold War and her father who invented a game with matches that he played from the time he was a boy through his time as a CIA operative. The room is dominated by what looks like a giant game of risk under plexi glass with armies of matches placed on the map, sand and other objects dressing the board. The art itself was kind of childish looking, but the volume of material she had collected, literature and visual representation was impressive. I love the metaphor of the match as a soldier.
Most interesting to me was the picture above, which I found in a small side room empty except for a desk that had some business cards on it and a dish full of one dollar bills that said "Free Money". I just emailed the bureau and hope to get my assignment for a psychogeographic journey soon. A little woman in her 60s who looked like someone's Nonna with a fanny pack was in the room, hoping to meet the man/woman behind the bureau. She had taken a journey and said it was a must. She said that you receive an assignment and had to collect something though she would not say what.
In more pedestrian matters, I am going to Macy's today in hopes of securing a part time job at a make up counter. I need stuff to do and the security of work when I'm not booking anything... like right now. I will leave you with more pictures of Gowanus which I took when shooting an independent film earlier this month in which I had a small part as a futuristic librarian.
We Need to Talk about Kevin 01/31/2012
I loooove that dress!! I think it will look amazing on you! I understand how harrowing the wedding dress experience can be (not really, but I can imagine), especially when you are with people projecting all of their wedding desires onto you, but you should go with the pink and happy, shiny. Holy crap, you'll rock the shit out of whatever dress you wear, just make sure it's one that you want to wear while an animated bird poses on your shoulder or quite frankly, you just want to wear and feel amazingly beautiful (or that would win in a drag queen competition). I really, really like that pink dress for you. It will rock the hell out of that pagoda...for some reason my mind just made up bird costumes for cats to wear and I would love to have a 'draggle' or 'herd' or 'murder' of cats to be in the background of something dressed as birds of paradise. Not at your wedding, but perhaps in the procession when you leave to your honeymoon....I'll work on that.
Today is the first day I've had off since my last post and Brian has to work every day until we leave for vacation, which leaves me to plan and get everything together. I went down to the World Trade Center to exchange some currency, only to learn that apparently I need to order Argentinian pesos and they do not exchange Uruguayan pesos. Have to go back next Tuesday. I had sushi at Toshi in Little Tokyo downtown after and they had the freshest toro and hamachi. Like, just cut off the fish fresh, which was nice. We then went to Woori market, which is my go-to store other than Trader Joe's and Albertson's since they usually have cheaper produce and today they had live Dungeness crabs for $5.99 per pound. I bought one crab and am waiting for the cat to take interest in it. I just put both in the bathtub together.
Brian's brother bought a cat last year. He paid about $1000 for a Maine Coon from some people that deal in Main Coones. Initially he was going to name it "Kevin", which is a great name for an expensive cat. Eventually they went with 'Gus' as in Augustus which is part of that cat's heritage, blah blah. The picture above is of Kevin at about 20 lbs. They suspect he'll grow to be about 28-30 lbs, which makes me happy for obvious reasons. I held that cat and it is really soft and massive...it is also fairly docile which leads me to believe it will be really easy to steal and turn into a pillow. Thought I'd leave you with that for now. I also love and miss you.
I haven't been feeling very well lately. I suppose it could be my new diet, in which the dominant food group is After Eight mints.
I wish Archie could meet Bear. It would be so awesome, just like when they do crossover episodes of the Law & Order spinoffs. I am impressed that Archie likes bread and food so much and plays with his gator. Bear is a bit more simple. Though he once stole these individually packaged Japanese crackers from the kitchen and put them all into a basket in the living room, but in general he is mostly interested in vessels containing water or other liquids and paper balls made from Netflix envelopes. We have tried making paper balls with other kinds of paper, but Bear only plays fetch with Netflix balls. And hair things. Sometimes he drops one of these items on my face in the middle of the night because he wants to play. He also likes to chew on feet, and likes attacking the TV when the xbox is on.
I'm not sure what else I can do to the wedding website without making it look like a cry for help, but if you know anyone who wants me to make them a wedding website let me know because I found it oddly therapeutic and satisfying and lord knows I have time on my hands at the moment.
When I was back in Seattle for Christmas break, I went and tried on wedding dresses with my mom, my future mother and law and my brother's fiance, Christine. Actually, Christine made the appointment for me because she got her dress with her mom the day before. I thought it would be an interesting and pleasant bonding experience because neither of the moms wore a real wedding dress when they were married. (They eloped or had a hippie wedding-type thing.) Up to that point, I hadn't tried on a single dress unless you count bridal shows I've done for work.
I felt really weird about trying on dresses. I hadn't really mentally prepared for it, I hate trying on clothes and at that point we hadn't even picked a date, so it was hard to take seriously. I didn't expect my mom to be as excited as she was. She was so excited she managed to become nervous somehow and then talked about the dresses for two weeks afterward. I ended up really liking two dresses that were a part of their sample sale. One was a very simple and elegant white silk Vera Wang sheath but it was a little too conservative. I think it would be lovely for like, a second or third marriage. I tried on a bunch of Monique Lhuillier dresses but I'm just not that into lace. The one I really ended up liking is a Jenny Lee blush silk satin. Yes, it's pink and shiny. I'm getting married in a goddamn pagoda! I do what I want! I guess I am more asian than I thought. Here are some pics of where I'm going with this. And I feel compelled to add that the dress looks way better on than on this manniquin:
So yeah. What do you think?
Your trip to South America sounds awesome! How did you go about planning it? Do you know anyone there? I wanna come! Also, how thirsty was that guy for his wife to think he was having a heart attack? Jesus.
Bread Thievery and Cat vs. Gator 01/23/2012
Bear the cat and Archie should really meet. I suspect that either some amazing things would happen or everything would be destroyed. Either way it would be pretty funny. I like that your cat keeps bringing the boob inserts to people...maybe he wants Roscoe to wear them. Archie does not fetch things but he does like to steal them and take them to his lair (aka the bathroom). This began when he was a kitten and he got into the shower and brought out one of those lava rock pumice stone things. After that, he graduated to bread of any kind. He somehow dragged an entire loaf of sourdough out of the kitchen once and in general likes to tear open bags so that he can destroy the delicious offerings within. Sometimes the results are hilarious as seen above. He also pukes up hairballs on occasion and despite the fact that our entire apartment has hardwood floors or tile (or tacky linoleum in the kitchen), he manages to always puke on one of the bathroom rugs making the cleanup far more difficult. At least it's not a coat though, that really sucks. I brought him back a plastic alligator from New Orleans and he does battle with every few days. Cat versus gator is one of my favorite things to watch because he cocks his head really spastically and leaps about before attacking the gator.
Jim was really tame and and didn't even drink. His girlfriend looked to be about the same age as his daughter. I think she's eastern European. Nobody got crazy which is a shame, because that's the only amusement I ever get at work. Once we had to call an ambulance because this crazy lady thought her husband was having a heart attack. It later turned out that he was just thirsty (or dehydrated, whatever). Another time I called the cops because this tiny drunk asian girl got into a fight with her boyfriend and starting hitting him and then refused to leave the restaurant with him. She actually refused to leave even after he left so I called them to make her go away. That's about as crazy as it gets, but I guess I shouldn't complain too much because I really don't like people bothering me at work. Or talking to me at all.
We head down to South America in three weeks so that's something to look forward to even though I have a million stupid things to take care of before then. We're flying into Montevideo, Uruguay and staying there the first night ad then taking the buquebus (ferry) across to Buenos Aires the next day. We then fly to Bariloche the following day to spend a few days on a lake in Patagonia. After that we head back to Buenos Aires for another few days and then back to Montevideo for the last night. I'm not exactly sure why I choose to do so much traveling, but it should be fun. One of my resolutions this year is to take more pictures, so hopefully I will have some interesting ones. Initially we were planning to go to Greece and Turkey this summer, but Brian's work schedule can't work around that, so we opted for the southern hemisphere. He was supposed to have next month off before helping to open a new restaurant, but that got pushed back. Thankfully we had already made travel plans, so we're going regardless.
I want to see your wedding website. And dress when you find one. And everything else related to it. I'm so excited! Okay, I'm off to work again to answer a ton of emails and hopefully eat some banh mi, which Brian said he was making.
Gorillas, Hairballs and Boobs 01/22/2012
Questions: Do you think Jim liked his party? Is he weird and new age-y? Does he do a lot of unsolicited impressions and characters? Is he in control of himself or does he insist on sifting cocaine onto his dutch baby, drinking orange juice with his finger and snapping his rainbow suspenders when pleased? He's not going to play a doctor anytime soon is he? So many questions. That's weird Martin Landau was there. I think he was maybe the first celebrity I met in LA. I still have no idea how I recognized him when I was 17, but I did, and I'm still not sure who he is right now and a significant amount of time has passed.
Your trip to the zoo sounds so fun and lively! You are so lucky. Whenever I've gone to the zoo, the animals are always sleeping or hiding. At least I thought I was at a zoo when that happened. My first partner from my acting class told me a funny story about going to the zoo as a child with his dad. They were watching the gorillas and apparently there was some weird tubing that allowed you to call to the gorillas. Maybe it was for drive thru banking-- I'm not sure. Anyway, his father started calling to the gorilla and apparently the gorilla got really exciting and came over and started dancing around or something. So a small crowd gathered and his father kept making the noises and the gorilla kept getting excited. And then the gorilla ejaculated in front of all these children... maybe on the glass. It was gross and embarrassing and funny and difficult to discuss with his father.
I have been experiencing cat shenanigans that fall somewhere in the spectrum of funny to gross and kind of humiliating.
1) Bonkers the cat throws hairballs occasionally. He's a fluffy long-haired cat so it's gonna happen. Usually, I find evidence in the bathroom, or in the hallway. Lately, he has started puking in interesting and surprising places.
I am at a casting for some liposuction procedure or something. I take off my big puffy winter coat-- the kind with a big Eskimo-like fur trimmed hood. I take my coat and fold it into my lap while I wait. Looking into the coat on my lap, I realize that at some point yesterday or perhaps the day before when I left my coat on the bench in our entryway rather than hanging it in the coat closet, Bonkers the cat took the opportunity to throw up in the hood of my coat. His cat puke has now dried to a long, thin, grainy, hairy, cat-food-ocher strip that stretches from the coat's inner sweater collar to the inside of the hood (which I thankfully never attempted to use.) I quickly fold the coat again, ashamed, hoping no one else there has noticed, opting to clean in private and wondering if I've been amusing fellow New Yorkers with my cat puke hood.
Later, I assess that it was not visible, or smellable since an unexpected rain on my jacket made the fur trim smell... like racoons.
2) A couple days later I have an audition for a popular men's drugstore line. The email from my agent suggests that I sport serious cleavage, but "keep it classy". I'm running late, so I rummage through my lingerie drawer throwing stuff everywhere and end up wearing this Victoria Secret add a cup bra which I keep for these sorts of occasions because it makes me look like a porn star.
After the audition, I find a text from Roscoe complaining that my cat keeps bringing him "my boobs". The picture above is what was texted to me as evidence. I had left out my cutlet stickey bra-- you know the thing that you wear with backless shirts or dresses when you still need a bra. Bear the cat has been bringing Roscoe them while he's working at the computer in his home office. Roscoe puts them back in the bedroom but Bear keeps bringing them back. Bear does like to play fetch but perhaps he just thought it was a good present for a guy. I guess we'll never know until cats start talking. I'm pretty sure I read that's part of the Rapture.
Waiting for Guttenberg 01/21/2012
After several unsuccessful attempts to figure out how to post on this, I decided to apply some ancient Mayan wisdom and read the instructions under the 'help' section. I also sacrificed one of our neighbor's cats to the gods. I have a feeling this year will be pretty awesome, but I have yet to spend any time focusing on my goals as work has not slowed down since the holidays. It has become mildly entertaining in the last week though. I had to help throw together a last minute 50th birthday party for Jim Carrey last week and then there was another birthday dinner for the guitarist of the Strokes. The rockers were more entertaining. Jim's party had some randoms that amused me (Steven Tyler, Pam Anderson and Martin Landau), but until Steve Guttenberg shows up I will remain unimpressed. I wish there had been some elicit or hilarious event that occurred, but everyone was boringly well-behaved, which is why I think everyone should invite a Courtney Love or Paz de la Huerta to their birthday party.
Since my social life pretty much consists of reading or watching TV lately, I decided to liven things up by going to the zoo last week (i know, pretty fucking ballsy behavior). The above picture is my favorite as I always wondered what sleeping would be like with massive horns on one's head. I have pictures of the rest, but I like this Ibix in particular. I have named him Copernicus. Highlights of the zoo included a baby monkey that could fit in your hand with a face like a troll that kept sticking its tongue out at us, a bat-eared fox that screamed at Brian, and the baby tiger that crawled up a tree and fell on its ass. Also, there was some stoner in a hoodie that was chatting up anyone who would listen about the life of the musk ox.
I recently received a bill from the City of Beverly Hills. I can only imagine it is regarding the car accident, but it is for $515. The only medical attention I received was someone handing me an ice-pak, which was not reusable. That thing could not have cost more than $3. I am sending the City of Beverly Hills 300 pennies in exchange. I hope they're fucking happy.