I haven't been feeling very well lately. I suppose it could be my new diet, in which the dominant food group is After Eight mints.
I wish Archie could meet Bear. It would be so awesome, just like when they do crossover episodes of the Law & Order spinoffs. I am impressed that Archie likes bread and food so much and plays with his gator. Bear is a bit more simple. Though he once stole these individually packaged Japanese crackers from the kitchen and put them all into a basket in the living room, but in general he is mostly interested in vessels containing water or other liquids and paper balls made from Netflix envelopes. We have tried making paper balls with other kinds of paper, but Bear only plays fetch with Netflix balls. And hair things. Sometimes he drops one of these items on my face in the middle of the night because he wants to play. He also likes to chew on feet, and likes attacking the TV when the xbox is on.
I'm not sure what else I can do to the wedding website without making it look like a cry for help, but if you know anyone who wants me to make them a wedding website let me know because I found it oddly therapeutic and satisfying and lord knows I have time on my hands at the moment.
When I was back in Seattle for Christmas break, I went and tried on wedding dresses with my mom, my future mother and law and my brother's fiance, Christine. Actually, Christine made the appointment for me because she got her dress with her mom the day before. I thought it would be an interesting and pleasant bonding experience because neither of the moms wore a real wedding dress when they were married. (They eloped or had a hippie wedding-type thing.) Up to that point, I hadn't tried on a single dress unless you count bridal shows I've done for work.
I felt really weird about trying on dresses. I hadn't really mentally prepared for it, I hate trying on clothes and at that point we hadn't even picked a date, so it was hard to take seriously. I didn't expect my mom to be as excited as she was. She was so excited she managed to become nervous somehow and then talked about the dresses for two weeks afterward. I ended up really liking two dresses that were a part of their sample sale. One was a very simple and elegant white silk Vera Wang sheath but it was a little too conservative. I think it would be lovely for like, a second or third marriage. I tried on a bunch of Monique Lhuillier dresses but I'm just not that into lace. The one I really ended up liking is a Jenny Lee blush silk satin. Yes, it's pink and shiny. I'm getting married in a goddamn pagoda! I do what I want! I guess I am more asian than I thought. Here are some pics of where I'm going with this. And I feel compelled to add that the dress looks way better on than on this manniquin:
So yeah. What do you think?
Your trip to South America sounds awesome! How did you go about planning it? Do you know anyone there? I wanna come! Also, how thirsty was that guy for his wife to think he was having a heart attack? Jesus.
Gorillas, Hairballs and Boobs 01/22/2012
Questions: Do you think Jim liked his party? Is he weird and new age-y? Does he do a lot of unsolicited impressions and characters? Is he in control of himself or does he insist on sifting cocaine onto his dutch baby, drinking orange juice with his finger and snapping his rainbow suspenders when pleased? He's not going to play a doctor anytime soon is he? So many questions. That's weird Martin Landau was there. I think he was maybe the first celebrity I met in LA. I still have no idea how I recognized him when I was 17, but I did, and I'm still not sure who he is right now and a significant amount of time has passed.
Your trip to the zoo sounds so fun and lively! You are so lucky. Whenever I've gone to the zoo, the animals are always sleeping or hiding. At least I thought I was at a zoo when that happened. My first partner from my acting class told me a funny story about going to the zoo as a child with his dad. They were watching the gorillas and apparently there was some weird tubing that allowed you to call to the gorillas. Maybe it was for drive thru banking-- I'm not sure. Anyway, his father started calling to the gorilla and apparently the gorilla got really exciting and came over and started dancing around or something. So a small crowd gathered and his father kept making the noises and the gorilla kept getting excited. And then the gorilla ejaculated in front of all these children... maybe on the glass. It was gross and embarrassing and funny and difficult to discuss with his father.
I have been experiencing cat shenanigans that fall somewhere in the spectrum of funny to gross and kind of humiliating.
1) Bonkers the cat throws hairballs occasionally. He's a fluffy long-haired cat so it's gonna happen. Usually, I find evidence in the bathroom, or in the hallway. Lately, he has started puking in interesting and surprising places.
I am at a casting for some liposuction procedure or something. I take off my big puffy winter coat-- the kind with a big Eskimo-like fur trimmed hood. I take my coat and fold it into my lap while I wait. Looking into the coat on my lap, I realize that at some point yesterday or perhaps the day before when I left my coat on the bench in our entryway rather than hanging it in the coat closet, Bonkers the cat took the opportunity to throw up in the hood of my coat. His cat puke has now dried to a long, thin, grainy, hairy, cat-food-ocher strip that stretches from the coat's inner sweater collar to the inside of the hood (which I thankfully never attempted to use.) I quickly fold the coat again, ashamed, hoping no one else there has noticed, opting to clean in private and wondering if I've been amusing fellow New Yorkers with my cat puke hood.
Later, I assess that it was not visible, or smellable since an unexpected rain on my jacket made the fur trim smell... like racoons.
2) A couple days later I have an audition for a popular men's drugstore line. The email from my agent suggests that I sport serious cleavage, but "keep it classy". I'm running late, so I rummage through my lingerie drawer throwing stuff everywhere and end up wearing this Victoria Secret add a cup bra which I keep for these sorts of occasions because it makes me look like a porn star.
After the audition, I find a text from Roscoe complaining that my cat keeps bringing him "my boobs". The picture above is what was texted to me as evidence. I had left out my cutlet stickey bra-- you know the thing that you wear with backless shirts or dresses when you still need a bra. Bear the cat has been bringing Roscoe them while he's working at the computer in his home office. Roscoe puts them back in the bedroom but Bear keeps bringing them back. Bear does like to play fetch but perhaps he just thought it was a good present for a guy. I guess we'll never know until cats start talking. I'm pretty sure I read that's part of the Rapture.
Resolutions & Preparations 01/11/2012
It is 2012, the year the world is supposed to end according to the Aztecs. I am trying to come up with some goals for the year so that I don't spend my last year on earth sitting on my ass wondering if the Rapture will make the lines at Duane Reade any shorter.
Maroon's Goals for 2012
1) Be able to do at least one pull-up. Linda Hamilton. Duh.
2) Get married. The good news is that I'm already engaged. Turns out the hard part is actually coordinating a wedding.
3) Gain representation for film/tv.
4) Perform in a play.
I hate writing this shit down. the idea of accountability is paralyzing. However, I am already making headway on some of these goals. I am sore from my attempts at goal #1 and am flailing through the beginnings of goal #2. During Christmas break I tried on dresses with my mom, future mother-in-law and future sister-in-law. I'm glad I did it because it was a new and interesting experience for both mothers who both sorta eloped but it was tough for me because I felt the way Bear the Cat appears to feel when I make him wear clothes. One dress in particular I realized I really loved about 2 weeks later and then called the store only to find it had been snapped up in the prior day's sample sale. It was a light pink Jenny Lee dress, something you can definitely wear in Hawaii.
I have also been amusing myself with designing my own invitations which are using the mirror image effect Stella McCartney has employed in her Hawaiian resort collection which I will share with you when they get closer to being done. I am trying to convince my Dad to buy a letterpress so we can start a business together. So far, I have convinced him to buy and read a book about letterpress. I am counting even small victories.
I worked on goal #3 yesterday, at one of those seminars where you pay $30 or $40 for a facilitated introduction. I'm after this one particular lady at a B level bi-coastal agency. She is mean, and it's pretty apparent that she hates actors. I don't know if I want her to represent me or if I want to punch her in the face.
What prompted the Argentina trip? More details, please.
Ok, I have to get ready for my one casting of the day and an appointment with my Russian psychiatrist. Nastrovia!